WARNING:  There's a bit of spoiler in this post.

This could be more of a rant than an actual movie review.  And really it should be a review of a 2 hour long episode as opposed to movie, because this was no movie.  (Spoiler) How in the hell do you do a X-Files flick, the first one in years, without any aliens?  Please, somebody tell me.  What in the hell was Chris Carter thinking?  

I saw the headlines before seeing the film but didn't read any of the reviews.  I went into it thinking what has always been true, if you're not an X-Files fan, you don't and won't get it, so negative reviews kinda come with the territory of being a fan.  But us die-hard X-File fans see passed it and love the show for what it is and its characters for who they are.  But after seeing this, after paying $10 for this, that love quickly turned to anger, the feeling of betrayal, like I was let down in a major way by my favorite Aunt and Uncle.

If you remember, Scully had an alien hybrid baby with Mulder when last we saw them.  We don't see the kid because the kid died, I think.  It's never really explained.  They don't try to give a piece of back story on the issue.  It seems like Scully and Mulder are doing the nasty on the regular, but you're not really sure.  The way she enters his home the first time we see them together, you would think she hadn't been there in years.  But then we see them in bed together.  This may not seem like a big deal, but it was a major theme throughout the series, the dance between the two of them was done really well, better than most.  By the time the first X-Files film came along, the two finally did something about it, at the end of the flick.  This one picks up where the last one ended.  With nothing, no explanation as to what the relationship had become.  We begin to get the hints, but it is never drawn out.

The plot involves a ex-pedophile priest who has a psychic connection with one of the boys he buggered (as Scully puts it).  Now a man, the boy, to whom we get no story about, is on his death bed.  A Russian man, to whom we get no story about, is running around killing people to harvest their bodies to keep the buggered man alive.  This is a storyline seen in a few episodes with different plots, but we've seen it on TV, and it like others like it, was always a mildly entertaining episode to break up the UFO/Alien main plot of the series.  This is not what you make a movie about.   

This film is so boring, so completely uninteresting that I found myself paying attention to how old and gaunt Mulder (David Duchovny) and Scully (Gillian Anderson) looked.  Californication has become one of my top five TV shows, Duchovny, the star, doesn't look half as old as he does in this X-Files flick.  Really, both of them look really haggered.  Funny thing, Mitch Pileggi, who plays Assistant Director Walter Skinner, is the only one who looks like he hasn't spent seven years in Tibet, and he was older than both of them on the show.

Really, I could pay this much attention to looks because the movie was flat out boring, dull, uninspiring and completely unworthy of a fans time and money.  If you can wait, wait for it to hit cable, watch a few episodes on TNT, then turn to the movie, it will feel no different.

I give this film a IT SUCKED rating. 

 

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